Friday, June 3, 2011

Lonely and Not Enough

We've all heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason.   I am certain that Heavenly Father masterfully orchestrated each of the people I love and the people that love me into my life.  I am so aware of the love I receive from my family and my friends.  My family doesn't have to remind me how much they love me and my friends do it anyways at least weekly.  I am so appreciative of all of that- I know that many people aren't this lucky.

But... as people always do, I want more. The love that I get from my friends and family is real love- it is genuine.  But it isn't true love.

I see my closest friends in relationships (some of who are married or on the brink of marriage) and crave what they have.  I'm so happy for them- beyond words happy for them- but I want what they have so badly.  I want to be someones first priority.  I want someone to be able to tell me exactly how they feel. Someone who can trust me.  I want to have somebody who can promise me a 'forever'.  I want to deserve all of this.  It's exhausting knowing that my closest friendships will take a one-sided backseat at the first sign of a prospective spouse.  I know this is normal, I'm not putting my friends down for putting their friends on the back burner for their spouse or significant other.  I'm just hoping that someday I'll be on the other end of that.  I want to be worthy of what my friends are all finding.  I'm tired.  I'm tired of having just friends.  I'm tired of the constant yearn for that thing-  true love.  

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